The Cinemas that savaged me.

Watching a flop film is different from watching disasters. Flops give you a feeling ‘Why the hell did I watch this film!’ ,when disasters make you repent ‘Why the hell am I living!’. Here I list out those latter versions. In any case if you like a film mentioned in this list, I’m afraid of your psychological state. Get well soon!

On other note, I make it clear that I don’t tend to make sarcasm of greatness of film making, but I  seriously make fun of these films which brought disgrace to the word of ‘Cinema’.

Dare to watch!
Dare to watch!

Subhash Chandra Bose (Telugu) – A tale of a photographer who was a freedom fighter in his previous life. Please don’t ask me how he recollects his past life, You would ask if the director (This was his 101th film) – ‘Are you nuts?’ .  An ultimate calamity on the screen. Watching it at a remote area in non-AC DTS theater in the mid of summer, it is quite an achievement that I’m still alive.

Khatarnak (Telugu) – A milestone of a film from RaviTeja! Went to this film with friends in the evening to beat our hectic day after preparing a project report in class XII. Our bad, the day worsened further. Utter meaningless movie. And I must tell you these epic lyrics from the last song of the film..

“Doma kudithe chicken guinea , Prema kudithe sukham guinea!” That was one hell of a lyric. ROFL!

Komaram Puli (Telugu) – Being a Pawan’s fan , didn’t make any delay to get harassed  at the theater ( Watched this at sharp 9AM on Day 1). Could assess the torture I was to bear with just 15 minutes into the film when Pawan did few super human stunts. A third degree torture!

Andhrawala (Telugu) – Aah! Can’t forget this one! Went out to watch this one a ‘Happy New Year’ day. Ironically, the ‘Happy’ part got robbed away by close-to-a-quintal weighing Jr NTR . Watching him don the role of a father was a disastrous surprise. And Chakrisinging all the six songs in the film, I hope you feel the pain in my ears.

Blue (Hindi) – My fate was so bad that I bought the tickets in black. Sharks and Star-cast doesn’t make a film. It’s the story that counts. I still wonder what makes this most expensive Indian Cinema. And for God’s sake, Sanjay Dutt must stop doing duets. Please.

Pyaar Impossible (Hindi) – Dekhne ke liye bhi ‘Impossible’.  Uday Chopra in a ‘Geek’ look – That tells it all. A wild African monkey on National Geographic channel looks much better than this ape-faced actor.

Sainikudu (Telugu) – Saving lives of people held in a rainstorm with the help of plastic water bottles? And the heroine loves the villain, instead of the hero. Gods must be crazy!  A film that gave me headache for the first time in my life! I still have no clue of why Irrfan Khan chose to debut in telugu through this legendary film.

On an interesting note, this was the third on a row in Mahesh-GunaSekhar combo. Both started with a super hit of Athadu, delivered an average fare with Arjun and aggravated with this film. Wonders happen!

Palnati Brahma Naidu (Telugu) – Do I need to introduce you to BalaKrishna’s heroics? A train being sent away in reverse when he slaps his thigh. Yeah, Watched this at theater, which is a definitely bigger stunt in comparison to what he did on-screen. Isn’t it?

8×10 Tasveer  (Hindi) – Day 1 at the theater. Hero possesses the power to see through one’s vision at the time of clicking a particular picture. I wish I had the same power to estimate the agony of watching the film through the ticket in my hand. My bad, I’m not Akshay Kumar.

Panchakshari (Telugu) – 1st Day,1st Show. And I’m doomed to the core. The various tamil dubbed Ammoru-based  films you come across on the TV are much better than this dud. And this gives me one good reason to kill my friends who made me book the tickets a day in advance. Screw you guys!

Maro Charitra (Telugu) – One more film from Varun Sandesh and I’m going to declare World war III. No idea of why the makers intend to remake the all time classic with two morons in the lead. The heroine resembles a human version of the aliens in Avatar. Terrible!

Varudu (Telugu) – Again a Day 1 affair. The publicity gimmick of not revealing the heroine’s looks until the actual release was the greatest trick of telugu cinema so far. I was held between choosing which is worse – the heroine or the film?

If you wonder where this *Hot Chick* heroine is from, just have a look at the Switzerland episode of ‘Bachna Ae Haseeno’. You can spot her in Minishha Lamba’s friend’s gang.

Tees Maar Khan (Hindi) – Never thought winning Oscar was such easy till I watched this film. Akshay Kumar & Katrina Kaif at their dumbest best. Now, I demand an Oscar for Farah Khan too!

Anaganaga O Dheerudu (Telugu) – Siddharth as a warrior prince, sorry, a blind warrior prince who can lead the way through the mountains for the ones who had clear sight. Argh! The best thing about this flick was it got over in just 2 hours. I’m saved!

Saleem (Telugu) – A masterpiece that could explain the film making aspirants of how a film should not be made. Tagline of the film – ‘Dhummu leputaadu’ , kaani aa dhummu mana kallallo padutundani oohinchalekapoyanu.

Luck (Hindi) – Consider yourself  Lucky if haven’t seen this flick. The hero is alive after facing bullets into his chest as he was so lucky to have his heart to the right side of his chest. I thought ‘Luck’ had limits all this while.

Aisha (Hindi) – Sonam Kapoor isn’t a cupid. She is the biggest stupid. Completely hopeless film!

Drona (Telugu) – A gang of villains kidnap kids to train them in a far away island on how to rob banks. Cheap! And I’m a lunatic to travel 80 km to and fro along with 20 of my friends to witness this mind-boggler. Absolute facepalm!

Hope I had taken you through a list of memorable movies. And do tell me any movies of this genre that you might had come across, so that I’ll be safe and do not attempt any life-threatening risks in future.

P.S : None of Hollywood films found a place here as I’m very much selective on those. Considering that I haven’t seen even the best ones like ‘The Dark Knight’ yet, watching the worst is evidently impossible with me.

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2 thoughts on “The Cinemas that savaged me.

  1. i sincerely suggest you to not go to a movie on the first day itself.. it wud save the agony and save u time to write this article..

    • Yeah,Trying to avoid on day 1.But being a Movie-buff,I can’t. Anyways,My day 1 watches also include ‘3 Idiots’,’Dabangg’,’Magadheera’ etc , as a matter of fact 😉

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